Loss to Legacy

The last 6 years of my life has been a roller coaster..

It all started in 2020 when I lost my brother during the pandemic, and that’s the moment everything shifted.

I didn’t just lose family…I gained a responsibility I never asked for but refused to run from.

Suddenly I became the male role model I never had.

From flying back and forth between California and Florida for birthdays to fathers day, I tried my best to show up for the boys any way I could.

But the more I tried to get back into my old routine, the more I realized I wasn’t the same person anymore.

Each goodbye became harder.

My body was in California, but my heart stayed in Florida.

I remember thinking to myself that one of my biggest fears was looking back one day and realizing I had the power to do more but I didn't.

Then as I was in California, I began to notice that my quality of work wasn't where I wanted it to be...

I had the world in the palm of my hands...

I had accomplished everything I had ever dreamed of as a kid... successfully opening a business from the ground up with my best friends but still, I just didn’t feel aligned...

And for as long as I tried to ignore it, the feeling kept showing up in different ways.

So for the first time in 10 years, I stepped back.

What was supposed to be one week… turned into months.

Honestly, it felt like one long night...

It had been seven months since I last saw the kids.

Then March 17 came, Oliver’s birthday. Spring break. We flew out.

Those moments with them reminded me exactly what mattered… and also reminded me how hard it would be to leave again.

Then, out of nowhere, an opportunity to buy a condo came up.

And right there, everything clicked. That was the missing link, the anchor I needed to keep a part of me with them.

Making that decision was hard, because deep down I knew no one would fully understand why it mattered so much.

I spent so many nights feeling like the walls were closing in on me and I couldn't even breathe.

But I remembered the promise I made to my brother before he passed.

So I stayed. A whole year. Off social media. Just being present all while trying to figure things out.

Picking them up from school. Helping with homework. Basketball practice. Friday nights at Target.. even going through a category 5 Hurricane together.

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Small moments turned into routines, weekend sleepovers, after school study sessions, late-night talks that reminded me how much kids pay attention even when you think they don’t.

And somewhere in between homework checks, grocery runs, and quiet drives home… I realized I was healing too.

But it wasn’t all smooth. There were days I missed home.

There were plenty of days I questioned if I made the right choice, days I felt torn between two lives,= the trainer everyone knew in California, and the man trying to keep a promise in Florida.

I didn't really have anyone I could turn to for advice so most of the time it was just me and my notebook trying to figure things out.

And with no blueprint, no roadmap, no one telling me what to do. I had to learn how to trust myself again.

I had to learn how to be present. How to slow down.
How to sit with silence without trying to run from it.

Over time, all those ordinary days started shaping me into someone I didn’t recognize at first,
someone more grounded, more patient, more intentional.

So by the time I returned to the gym in 2023, I wasn’t coming back as the same trainer…

I was coming back as a man who had lived a whole other lifetime in one year.

And now, in 2025, when I look at my nephews… I see the legacy my brother left behind.

I see the values I poured into them, respect, grounding, kindness, and heart.

This journey wasn’t easy. It wasn’t perfect. But it was necessary.

This is a story of loss…but also of becoming. Of choosing family with no blueprint. Of building a legacy in the quiet moments when no one was watching.

It started with loss… but it became the reason I kept going.

I thought I was teaching them, turns out, they were teaching me...

How to love louder. Work quieter. And show up every day.

Now I just wonder, what story will they tell one day?

But if there’s one thing I’ve learned, it’s that listening to my heart has never led me wrong.

It led me here. To peace. To purpose. To them.

#RIPTuatPhan #MyBrothersKeeper

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